After hearing the news of the heinous shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary, I couldn't seem to get to my own kindergartner fast enough. The drive to school seemed a little bit longer and the carpool line seemed a little bit slower...I needed to lay my eyes on him, needed to feel his body in my arms. Lucky for me, all of my needs were met in short order that afternoon. I got to hear about his day. I got to referee an argument and listen to a chorus of giggles. I got to live another day with my heart in one piece.
And although my heart is intact, it aches for my fellow parents who ended that horrible day...broken. I think about our crazy mornings trying to get out the door for school. I think about how easy it is to get frustrated with the 'impossible to hurry' time clock of a child. I think about how easy it is to loose sight of what truly matters in the hustle of this life. It saddens me to no end to think that those parents might have missed "it" that day...and to think of all the mornings that I have missed "it" as well.
This week, we sent the kiddos back to school. And although I know you can't live in fear, I was and am afraid. I feel a vulnerability that I didn't feel before this unfathomable day. You see, it wasn't just the innocence of those fresh faced kindergartners that was taken last Friday, but the innocence of all of us somewhat green and only slightly wrinkled parents who used to only worry about time outs and happy plates.
I know the horror of that day will dull with time, but I also know that I will carry this tragedy with me on this amazing, yet terrifying journey. I think I do a pretty good job, but I promise to do an even better job about getting "it". I pledge to relish the loud, crazy days and soak in the calm, cuddly ones. I pledge to never be the first to pull away from a hug, but almost always be the first to say 'I love you'. And I pledge to count my blessings every single night...my dimple toting class clown, my giggle proned cuddle bug, and my hilarious future best friend...all in the name of 20 lost littles.
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